I find my obsessiveness to only surface when I'm in a comfortable situation or facing some other responsibility. If I have no one and no work, no school involved in my life - that is, no immediate responsibility other than stressing over survival and seeking out those things (people, work, survival) - then I am hardly motivated to create something beautiful. If I'm going to be homeless in the streets, I'd be more likely to dwell on words and music (hobo with a harmonica), or wisdom and life philosophy, even if I've already unearthed a ton of that (and it does amount to mostly useless stuff of solely personal utility).

When I'm going to a job every day though, the music obsessiveness rarely leaves my mind. There it becomes something to want to go home to. So, in a way, for myself personally, a willingness to obsess (or a tendency to), is connected in some way to feelings of self-worth; this explains, possibly, and I really hope nobody is reading this post, because it's utter nonsense, the previously mentioned desire to find meaning or spirit in life when occupying a non-standard position within modern society: in the absence of having something that is, by modern standards, representative of responsible and worthwhile nature, one seeks self-worth within the world, perhaps drawn (this is a new conclusion I am having?) by the desire to feel comfortable and obsess, as before, over one's artwork, whatever the intended creation or favored medium may be. (music in my case)

I find a lot of the art made by someone who has gone through the search for wisdom and introspective process, maturation in their life, is more compelling, and they pull something unique from that, creating something that is personally theirs. And everyone's, in each person's own way, if it's good enough that people can identify with it. Frank Zappa comes to mind, but that's just something I personally identify with, eh. I would love to create artwork of that caliber, but have been stuck in a rut. The path is, all in all, an... odd one. (Odd is -definitely- not bad, though!)

Going back to inspiration being my motivation for obsessive creation behavior, there have been several sources of this feeling. Other works of great beauty are, of course, inspiring, and movies usually having a pretty big effect; nature is a hugely inspiring thing for me as well, especially when perceived from a non-language, non-thinking, Buddhism-esque perspective (I can see this internal feeling being emulated in an open environment); and the feeling of reciprocated love, huge adoration and love, including the non-sexual: perhaps most powerful feeling I have ever felt by which to be inspired, so fleeting (listen to me; it's no wonder) and yet the most warming, motivating thing.

To obtain this feeling one (that is, myself, who places great value in such a thing) must follow several short steps - financial security in the world (bleh, I hate this part), some amount of reputability, and then to find the inspiring people themselves; these are the things, the search for which that is, that seem to distract from one's motivation. It would seem then that I've either to absolve desire for these things in order to acquire an equally desirable level of focus, or to discover some other source within myself. The mention of which, naturally, feels... nostalgic, and... like something I must be off to do right now. Pardon.